I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You've changed since you got that strap on
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
