Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
