I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
