I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
