2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
