Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
