Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
