Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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