and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
