So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
