Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
