I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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