i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
where are you?
Hypothermia
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
