I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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