He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
