im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
