Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
