wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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