dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we made out on top of his cat.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
