Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
