Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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