it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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