well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Randomize
