NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
