Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
