I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
