I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
