I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
