I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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