my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
