I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
