I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
