Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
