Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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