I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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