actually, I'm a sock model
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
