The maid of honor just puked.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
