It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
