So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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