Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am midnight drunk by noon
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
