Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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