There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
