So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
