I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
