Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
