I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
