Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
