Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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