there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
