What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
