I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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