we're blogging at a bar
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
