R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We got so high we made milksteak
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
