My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
